Don't know how else to describe it. I'm just not very happy with my life right now but I don't know how to change it. I can't keep any enthusiasm for more than a minute or two. My husband and I only have one car at the moment and he's now working part time at night when I'm off so I'm cooped up which is plain-out not good for me. I'm far from a social butterfly but I was never meant to be a recluse either. Yes, I could go for a walk but that's about it. The closest thing that resembles a store is two or three miles away. I could always convert to Mormonism. The closest building besides houses is an LDS church less than a block away (I hope my sarcasm shines in that statement....nothing against the Mormons mind you)....and nothing against PC, but I spend entirely too much time on here, but my addictive personality keeps bringing me back. I need a life! My work, a slight amount of writing, and PC are all I have going for me right now. ....sigh.

This is not home. I doubt it will feel like home, but going back is not an option. I'm 2,600 miles from anyone I know besides my husband's family. Why am I here again?? Why was it so important that I forsake my career of over twenty years and move away from my children and everyone I know? Oh yea, my impulsiveness! Maybe I should have taken my chances and gotten arrested a time or two. But wasn't my moving here just as impulsive? Sounds like I'm totally screwed either way.

If anyone wants the history behind my rant, feel free to search through my threads. I've written about it enough. I'm just angry, sad, lonely, distraught, and very, very depressed depending on exactly which minute you catch me in. And tired. Tired of trying. Trying to make it work, make things better, stay productive, stay positive.

It's night. When I'm always at my worst and when I'm usually alone. I'm sure by tomorrow morning I'll regain a little more of a positive outlook, but it doesn't last. The old mantra "it'll pass" is old. My positive outlook, when I get it here and there, now and then, is the only thing I have going for me right now. I've got to make it last. It's the only way I'll get out of my current situation. I can't depend on anyone to do it for me, but it all just seems so hopeless at times.

Congrats on making it to the end! Aren't I just a bundle of sarcasm tonight?? I'll regret posting this I'm sure, but screw it too. At least I got it out, and I humbly apologize if I offended anyone. That wasn't my intent at all....