Just dropping by to leave a note that read your post. It seems you need a therapist/counsellor eventually to help you overcome what you described. I don't know how receptive your parents would be to this idea. Have you told them about this? You express yourself quite well and I hope you can discuss things with your parents about your mental health.
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I get fed, don't worry.
 (Buddy putting in his 2bits worth)
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