nicoleb2,
If you are feeling suicidal, its time to go to the ER. You have been to the edge before, and know how fast a suicidal thought can turn into an action.
You are obviously having a very hard time and you are far too young to give up. Your children would be devestated if their mother was suddenly gone, or worse yet, if they found you after a suicide attempt or a completed suicide.

I know inpatient therapy is not something that is pleasant or what you want, but you need to get to a safe place and find your equalibrium again.

Having a depression that does not respond to therapy or medications is a frightening and helpless feeling. I've been fighting depression for 40yrs and my body cannot tolerate any of the anti-depressants. I do understand that feeling of the inability to find something that depression will respond to.

If you don't want to go back into an inpatient setting for yourself, do it for your kids. Even though right now its probably very difficult to care for their needs when you can barely hold things together, they are a precious gift and a very good reason to save yourself.

If you feel that you might do something before morning, go into the ER now. I don't know if you are married, divorced or alone, but find someone to take the kids and get yourself into the hospital ASAP. The most important thing right now is to get yourself to safety.

Please let us know how things worked out. I'm very concerned about what you are saying and don't want you to become a statistic.

Sam2