Mara,
I don't know if you have been sober for even a short time, but don't give in to your urge to drink. It might make you forget your problems temporarily, but then you will feel more disappointed in yourself.

No matter how bad they are, breakups are only temporary. If you are breaking up with your boyfriend, its not like he is the last man on earth. Yes, it will hurt, but that hurt will pass. Drinking will only prolong the agony.

I had to get a divorce many years ago, and it was a long, painful period of recovery. Since my ex has my son, I had to see her when I visited him. I felt depression, urges to comitt suicide and failure as a husband and father. Once that initial period of depression, I realized that I didn't need my ex to survive and began the road back. I won't lie to you, it still hurts, sometimes a lot, but I survived it and so can you. If you start drinking to forget it, not only will you be upset about your breakup, but you will also be upset and depressed about your decision to drink.

Like it or not, you are an important person with a lot to offer. First though, you need to get yourself back and learn to like yourself. Only then will you be able to start a healthy relationship. Some of the people you think you pushed away will forgive you if they really love you. Don't throw your life away because of a failed relationship. It just isn't worth it.

If you have a therapist, call him/her in the morning and see if they will see you on a crisis basis. Many therapists will shift their schedules around to get a patient in that is having a crisis.

If you have already started to drink, don't beat yourself up for doing so. Just take it from this moment on. You can do this. you are not worthless and don't deserve to treat yourself as though you were.

Sam2