Rhapsody, I got a really really good object lesson when I was in group therapy in the 1970's. We met at one of the therapist's homes and her dogs/cat were often in the room (living room) with the 6-8 of us in group (and the co-leader). At one point she was talking, had one of the dogs on her lap and it snapped at her and she pushed it off her lap. I was instantly, majorly triggered and asked, "what if he didn't mean to snap at you but just had to?"

I then got a beautiful talking to about how a relationship between people (as explained using the example of the relationship between her and her dog :-) does not depend on a single action but is cumulative over the years and much more complex. She emphasized how long she and her dog had "known" each other and were familiar with their relationship and how the dog was free to snap at her but knew if he did, she would not allow that behavior but that didn't change the love they had for one another. The dog didn't think/feel it was the end of the relationship, because he'd been pushed to the floor. Later, he'd come and get right back up on her lap, etc.

It was nice for me to see the whole picture from "outside." It's hard when we're part of a relationship to see the "other" side or even that there is more facets to the relationship than what we can see from our current position. We can't even see our position, since we're sitting in it, from the point of view of the relationship whole.

Sometimes it helps me if I think about the people I "forget" for awhile but love. I'm not always thinking every moment about everyone I know and love but that doesn't change how I feel about them! Other people are the same way; it's not possible for them to think of us all the time but when they do, it's part of that whole, ongoing relationship. Even parents/children don't think about us or aren't thought about by us all the time. Remembering that when I'm feeling a bit doubtful about a relationship helps me. I sometimes write a note/e-mail or call a person to check in, etc. and that helps get them "off" my mind for a bit so I can go on living my own life.