Dreamy
Touch is so important to you and t knows this- that it is a comfort to you but yet she denies you of it for a good reason to protect you from rejection and abandonment. If she holds your hand this once will it really make you feel better? Maybe, but then what happens next time you need it and t is not there or not in a position to give it to you. You will feel hurt and rejected all over again.
I would feel the same too if my therapist was inconsistant, this is why boundaries are so important in therapy. Touch is a taboo and some therapists are afraid of it.
Your ts sudden change and one minute its ok to hold hands, next minute its not. Its not wonder therapy is so confusing at times.
Do you have any support in real life that you could get this need met? I know you said your parents didn't provide it but is there any other pereson you can get these needs met with?
Your need for a quick fix won't go away and I think you know this dreamy One hand hold isn't ever enough unfortunately and I am sorry for being so harsh and agreeing with t but this time I think she is right but the way she went about it was wrong and left you longing for more and this is natural, of course we all want our ts to make us better and hold our hands so don't feel ashamed as it is not your fault