(((Big Mama))),

I have dealt with the same kind of comments from my husband too. Questioning why I would bother connecting, even worrying about people that I didn't even personally know. And if I got triggered for some reason at PC, he would again say that he felt that getting upset by people who themselves have some kind of mental illness wasn't good for me.

I explained to him that it was "more" than that to me, it was a part of "learning" about myself, and also when I did get upset, I was learning how to connect it to the way I struggle with PTSD and how getting triggered is not "other people" but about me. This is going to be more difficult for your husband to understand because he tends to "isolate" himself from others without realizing that is what he is doing.

At least for me, my husband goes to AA meetings and works on "his" issues with others who are supportive and struggle with similar issues. So my husband can understand what it can mean to me on "some level".

Unfortunately, your husband has all the answers for himself, while he is going to marriage counceling with you, and trying, he still isn't aware that his bagage is connected to his past and his need to have a sense of control somehow. When he questions you like that what he is really showing you is "his" insecurities that he is not "aware of". "No aware of", that is important for you to remember BM, because you need to realize that when you "react" or "question yourself or allow guilt to come in to yourself", this is something you need to "work on" and that "he" isn't seeing.

When you interact here at PC, it is not like Facebook, because PC is a support site, a place where others let themselves be "more open" and discuss being "more self aware" and they are people who are challenged very much like you are challenged. Your husband doesn't realize that while you and him have relationship issues, "you" also battle a genuine disorder called PTSD. He doesn't realize that PTSD doesn't "just" go away, when someone is challenged with it, they have to learn to understand it and how "they" as a unique person, struggle with it because of a trama or a history of abuse or neglect.

Your husband has his own "troubled history" too, and he is not "self aware" so he can actually see where his "poor attitudes" towards you and the children come from "his" personal history and how he learned to cope and manage the disfunction in his life. And maybe you should sit him down and let him read my post to you. And if you do that, well, I am not trying to "pick on him", but if he does "want to actually have a better relationship with anyone" he first has to understand "himself and where his bad attitudes come from" that are "not his fault" but they do interfere with him being able to finally "get what he wants and even deserves to have in his life".

And that is what "you" are trying to work on yourself BM, you are slowly learning about where "your" issues and personal challenges come from. And at the same time you are also learning to understand PTSD and how to slowly manage that issue as well. PC, is a "support site" and no, it is not facebook where people put up a kind of picture of what they feel they need to show others about how "hey look at me, I am doing this or that" and yet they are not talking about their "real challenges".

So your time here is about "learning" and "healing" and "facing your issues, understanding yourself on a deeper level" instead of being "false" and just "pretending".

Hey, it takes time to look at one's self and see where our own issues come from and then work on learning how to slowly "change" our awareness and actually heal and grow.

Open Eyes