I don't think it's naive to think peoole should accept each other and comprimise and meet in the middle on most things. I think that is the right idea.

What your T said I agree too, often people are controlling because they are insecure and feel weak not strong.

My only real point was that because you do admit to having a hars time expressing emotion that there might be some merit to your wife's claim about her not feeling like you show affection.

The problem with, I will work on it only if I feel like it is a problem as I see it is this. You have many issues with your wifes behaviour, and they seem warrented, but if she takes the opinion that she doesn't need to work on it cause she is ok with it, doesn't fix anything. If you take that opinion than it's good for her too. But our spouces feelings do matter. And often it isn't just ...the other persons perception is all wrong, sometimes sure. But sometimes there is merit in what they are feeling.

If you did nit express that you know you have trouble with expressing this stuff I wouldn't urge you to see if you can or should work on that one point she brings up.

The rest of it I really do agree with you. I have been a similiar position as you in a relationship. Where I was constantly bending and shapeshifting trying to please someone. Some people cannot be pleased. If this relationship ended tho, and say you eventually met someone else, you don't want the love and affection thing to repeat which is why it really is doing it for yourself.

I wish you the best no matter the outcome. I hope you keep us updated.

I am glad you have a therapist to work with you on this cause its not easy. You can really feel like you are going mad in this stuff. Trust yourself tho, try not to second guess to much. Yoy will come out a healthier happier individual for all this hard work.