Isn't that what you are supposed to be working on? If the letter is supposed to be from you to your wife, I would not get us involved. We cannot bolster your self esteem, it is yours alone to bolster, to decide what you like, what you want to say, that you have said it how you want it said and that it says what you want to say.

It sounds to me, had I written the letter and was reviewing it for myself, there's a "snatching" back and blaming the other, both, going on. One minute it sounds like you are saying you give too much without getting and the next it sounds like you are complaining you are not able to give to others, are too worried about pleasing others and yet are a "party of one"/self-sufficient. I found that interesting but confusing.

What is your purpose in writing the letter? If your wife does not understand, seems to you incapable of understanding, I would write a more succinct letter, "I'm done" :-) But it sounds a little like you are doing a bit of trading off, "you hurt me by telling me I'm hurting you" and trying to cover all bases, keep the relationship and "argument" going, apologize while blaming. I feel the letter as if you were a car spinning your wheels?

You paint an idyllic, "picnic by the beach, wineries" as if you are goodness and light and your title and much of the first paragraphs talks about how angry and negative your wife is. I don't see any middle ground to work with, anything the letter "helps" with? Clearly your wife blames you for "everything" and here, in this letter you try to not just make yourself less blameful but are ready for picnics by the beach if only she wouldn't be all angry and blaming.

I don't think either of you are the whole problem with the relationship but one of my favorite sayings is, "Instead of fixing the blame, fix the problem".

You have to know who you are and what you want. I'm not talking picnic, I'm talking only focusing on you and your own actions. Whether your wife learns or grows or changes or gets worse or loves or hates you is not your problem, only what you do.

If you have "had it", then you have to act like that. If your wife yells at you, you have to say, "I do not wish to talk to you when you are yelling" and you walk away. You have to enforce what you want, draw a line, set a boundary. You do not talk to people who are yelling.

If you do not wish to be with your wife, you leave. You don't worry about whether she can or would like to live with her mother or what she will do, you do what you need to do, only for you. You go to a lawyer and protect what you need to live, what is "fair", what shows "you" to yourself and the world and the man you wish to be/become and you find somewhere else to live, you sell all your assets and split them, you talk with her about what she would need to leave if she wants to leave rather than get snide about her reasons for not going to live with her mother. You concentrate on the actions, instead of just the swirling feelings and words.