Welcome to PC.. you aren't alone in your thoughts.. survivors of abuse do feel haunted...I do... and being abused by my parents seemed to set my feet on a path of destruction..I set myself for abuse in nearly every realtionship I have been in.. wether it be romantic, or friendship.

I am sorry you have seen so much and suffered for it. The night terrors are normal all things considered, and I wish I knew how to tell you to make it stop.

All i know to do is to talk and let the pain and fear and insecurities come out... release the emotions so they can't hold you hostage.

You came here for understanding and support, which you will get.I hope you are in therapy where you can talk through your pain and memories of being abused.It is so important for your healing.

Just know that you are not alone and there is hope of a happy life.you should never have been abused, you deserved much more than that... believe that in your heart.I'm so sorry that you had to lose your best friend and that you had to see it... i can't imagine that.

Hang in there...Faith