It must be the day for ranting Mara. Believe me I know the frustration you feel, caught between emotions, the past the present, thinking about how things could have been better or how things might be better and being frustrated feeling like you can't turn anywhere and you can't talk to anybody, with the frustration so overpowering that you just want to scream or lash out. I don't know how all this could be good for anybody but these are real emotions that we deal with I think. Sometimes I'm afraid I'm just going to do something I will regret, like in class or to my girlfriend or to just to anybody in the street who looks at me the wrong way. It's like an undirected and uncontrolled anger at nothing in particular. I guess it's a sense of no control that drives the anger and the frustration. I hope you hold steady until the chaos passes and you find another good place to be in, if even for a short while Mara.