..maybe a five year old could better deal with the things that I can't obviously deal with. I feel like I'm so egocentric sometimes. I know the way I process my emotions is not how everyone deals with theirs. I just don't know how to react sometimes when I feel aggrieved or when somebody undermines my self-pitying attitude. It's a sense of insecurity I guess, about who I am and the insincerity(?) that I act with. I think I can be a manipulative s*** sometimes but I'm not completely aware when I do it until someone blows away my cover. Then I get all hurt and try to make other people sorry for me. I know this about myself but I am not aware of it when I'm acting it out. I must be so ingrained in me, and I don't understand how I came to be that way...