It hard to challenge these feelings. It's strange but I still feel like a kid when I think about these feelings. I got a lot of discouragement from my uncle's that lived with my dad. It's hard to admit that I didn't get what I needed as a child. When I think about it with what I know now, I can say my childhood should have been much better. There were things that should have been different. But in some ways I still feel like that child with people around me that didn't support me, even though those people aren't part of my life anymore.

I think my mom not wanting to be around didn't help anything either. In many ways I felt alone and like I had to take care of myself. After my dad died, I felt like I didn't have anyone in my life I could rely on. It wasn't until I met my wife I had a sense of belonging and trust. Sometimes it is hard to feel normal caring all that around. I try to feel good about myself, and say I am a good person. I try to make a positive influence in this world, but somedays I just want to tear myself down and say I am worthless. I fight it for the most part. Although, when I start getting depressed it is much more difficult.