Keeping you guys posted.

Told my T today, and it went really well. She was easy to talk to and understanding. However, she wants me to go back into hospital, but she let me have a week because I'm moving. I had to promise her that I wouldn't do anything permanent. Ie, cut too deep, or get on any new drugs. And I have to call her every day before 1 to check in. Which is fine because I'm stuck in my apartment all week anyway and have no access to anything new, and i can try not to cut too deep.

but then I had to go to group... where I absentmindedly started stabbing myself with a pencil. No one seemed to notice by the time I did, and it was keeping me grounded, but apparently my T noticed (she runs the group) and I also apparently had a doctors appointment after which I didn't remember, which meant that she told my doctor, who made it this big thing about how far I've come and why am I giving it all up now, and it's okay because everyone runs into road blocks and set back but that I'm taking it too far. They were going to make me call in every day, but I already said I'd do that with T. Though they want me to come in tomorrow and thursday to check in. The whole thing sucked. And hurt. And felt like I was under attack. And made me want to cut more.

Which is about where I am. Thank god my boyfriend was home, and in a good mood when I got back...

I feel bad about group though. I didn't mean to do that and I didn't mean to upset anyone...

I guess I can't complain about no one noticing or caring any more...