Thank you all for your comments. I have read them all carefully and took them with me (in mind) to my session today.

Somehow we actually had a decent session today. We still misunderstood each other, and I am still confused about things, but I felt like she really listened today. I mean she always listens, but today was different somehow.

She clarified that her job is important to her and she cares about the people she works with. It's not her job to care.

At the same time though, she said she is going to stop trying to help me talk at the beginning of session. She said that almost none of her other clients have so much trouble talking. Said she doesn't think it's helpful to me when she tries to ease me into talking. The whole idea of this makes me panic.

Idk. There is still a great divide between me and T. I think we are fundamentally different types of people. But I think I will at least stick with her long enough to try and work through all this disappointment that I cannot be special to her.