Silent I am glad you posted here on PC. We are your support system. When you have an urge keep your hands occupied by typing up a post. It is a positive step in the right direction when you posted this. That is a sign that you deep down do not want to cut. Also I am sorry to hear about your difficult week and therapy. It may be good to start with a part-time now if family is unable to provide support for your doctor. Is that is possiblity? Remember that you are not alone and we hurt in different ways. Please post again and also we are here to support. You will NEVER be alone here.