Hi Learning1,
Thanks somuch for your comments and questions.
Where to start? Well the first thing that jumped at me was you asking about whether I talked with t from MA about body language and stuff. Yes, we have. Particularly the importance of me holding my head up and facing people when I'm talking. She coached me in how to sit/ where to face when doing an exercise about practicing sentences to use when setting boundaries with my mom. It took her awhile to adapt her style to the fact I was blind, but we worked through it. . Her biggest issue was trying to teach me about the physical movements/ body relaxation envolved in her work in a way that was nonvisual. But we got there.
She commented recently that towards the end of her in person work with me she found it helpful to tell me what she was thinking, ask a lot what I thought she was feeling, stuff like that as I couldn't see her face. I actually don't remember a lot of her doing this, except the her asking how she was feeling part, and being able to clarify that she wasn't mad at me which was good. But really with the two of us, and a couple ts I was working with during that same time (for about a year I saw two ts a week) touch played an important role.
Next, yes the case worker, and other staff at the mental health center are comfortable with guiding me to a chair. But this is not the same as emotionally supportive touch, and I know that and so do they unfortunately. But I wish your stratigy could work.
I don't know about how caseworkers get hired, and maybe others would have some better thoughts on this. I know that the one I didn't like at the last place I went only had a bachilor's degree in social work, and her last job was working with homeless people and she had no mental health care experience. She was a total flake, smoked in front of me in the car ETC. I hope she's gone soon.
Mine has a master's in psychology I believe and has the certification for qualified mental health profesional which is an IL thing I guess. Maybe it means they're pre licensed or something. Anyway, she's had several jobs before this one including inpatient work. and other agencies. I don't believe that where she works now has a hard and fast no touch policy, but she said other places have and that personally she is not comfortable with it and as my former t pointed out when we talked briefly this is an important boundary for her. She said that we don't know the case worker's personal history or what touch means to her.
I agree that there isn't a lot of education for mental health profesionals on those with disabilitys, or education for those who work with people with disabilitys on mental health-- I think it can work both ways. I see Corey as caring based on her actions and the amount of caring/ sense of humor/ warmth that she allows to be expressed in the relationship. The problem is that I sense there's much more there and if she'd let herself just be herself and let these positive traits come out it would help her clients and probably her. It's as if half of her is this detached clinical persona, and the other half is more herself but a smaller version of herself. This is a lot of what I see at the mental health center, particularly with the t I left. She's almost all clinical persona and every so often when I catch her off guard and make her laugh is when I most often see it, you see a glimpse of something more natural. This is such a switch for me from even the schooling I do have with a bs in counseling. Lesley's orientation is humanistic and so it's all about being genuine. Obveously for a lot of these people maybe they were taught to be more detached.
The one person who is actually herself is the drama therapist. There's nothing overly clinical or detached about her and she is very down to earth. And as a drama therapist uses touch in our group work, and has adapted exercises well to meet my needs. It's confusing that one person allows touch and others don't but I realize everyone's boundaries are different.
I'm pleasantly surprised that the view so far is that she was being insensitive / should give me some touch to accomidate for my blindness. For some reason I thought people would come down more on her side. In any case, thank you for the caring support.
It's just that there's really nothing I can say or do to change her or anyone else's mind on this. And I want to figure out how to stop feeling disapointed/ hurt about it. I can tell myself to accept it and that it's probably good in the long-term that I learn to emotionally support myself-- and that before my good t in MA I never had this touch from anyone and did ok. Then again back then I wasn't as open to my feelings so nowbeing without it just feels overwhelming. I can tell myself this but feel like crying all the time when thinking about the situation and what I feel I have to accept. So I can change my thinking but not my automatic emotional reaction and was curious your thoughts on that. Perhaps over time it'll just feel better as I get used to doing therapy this way. Again thanks for your support and questions.