in many ways you have the same feelings i did before i got clean and sober. i'd recommend AA or NA for help and support. ppl there have learned how to stay clean and they'll tell you how they did so. also there will be ppl like you seeking support there. it is a far better life than self medicating. i had panic attacks, etc.beore and when i stopped those symptoms dissapeared. addiction dictates how we live and tricks us that it is the better solution. NOT. http://www.drugabuse.gov/publication...uana-addictive
i'm so glad you posted and realize making a new contact is not the answer. and post here as often as you want to. we understand your struggle and can offer you support.
you've realized you have a problem and that is the first step to recovery.