Hey, I don't know if anyone has seen any of my previous posts but currently I am for the first time in my life confronting my past and trying to deal with it.

I finally told someone the truth a few weeks ago, and since then life has literally been crazy. But I do feel like I have come on in some ways and am finally starting to take some positive steps.

My only problem is, whenever I talk about any of the abuse in my past I always turn into like literally a rock. Anything I say is said without any emotion because I just seperate it all out. I think its a habit from the past, where I would disocciate myself from situations as a coping mechanism. I NEVER cry and people find it weird how I can be so in control when I talk about it but I just don't know any other way. Sometimes I worry that because I dont show the emotion, people won't know I have it and might think I'm lying or something, I dont know. Having said that they do say they can see it hurts me even if I do try to hide it. I just don't like being out of control even though I really do just want to cry about it and show people how I really feel. My friend said when I talk about things that hurt me, it is like the lights are on but noones home and she can see I just go somewhere else inside me and its almost like I'm telling a story. I have a habit that if saying something is going to make me cry, I just wont say it. But then I know its never going to get any better.

Does anyone else ever do this? Anyone else ever felt like it? Any advice or further understanding on this matter?