I'm not sure what my problem (dx) is so I thought I'd get your opinion. It’s a bit difficult to explain but…..I feel like I have different ways of relating to myself and the world that are linked different points in my life. The functional me is acting most of the time. I am always multitasking and getting things done. Its like maybe having a whole box of cassette tapes, each with their various sounds and they can play together and the volumes can be adjusted as needed at different times. The functional tape is going most of the time during the day at school. Sometimes thought there is a low hum of another tape pressing through but usually never becomes the dominant sound during the day. For each tape, I can place an age on it that would reflect me, but its more tied to emotion or a dominant thinking pattern.
When I get home, usually I’m trying to keep the functional tape still playing, but the DJ of sorts (which is just my way of saying there is inner control) turns up the sounds on the other tapes and the functional tape gets turned down a bit. Sometimes its dueling for which is going to be "louder", but its all controlled in sorts. Let me preface this with… I don't lose time. I don't use diff voices or anything ). The only thing different is how I relate to myself and others... its just sorta a perception on life? I really don’t know of a way to explain it well so that it sounds right, so bear with me. For instance when I go to bed, sometimes there is one that doesn't like sleeping in my bed, but likes sleeping on the floor, in a corner or in the closet. Yes, I’m an adult; I know its weird, and normally I don’t even if I get that infrequent urge. But there is a fight to ignore the volume of the tape but occasionally I give in, turn my sound down, and relate to the world with this fear and helplessness.
Does anyone relate to this or can explain this?
|