Sera: I can understand the conflict of not knowing exactly the place of touch in therapy. This isprobably something a lot of therapists and clients struggle with. For the therapists/ professionals who don't allow touch it's probably a combination of their own feelings of wanting to protect themselves as well as their sense of ethics. As someone who's blind touch is more important, in general to me, than to those who aren't blind. But as I think about it, it's also not necessary. I've interacted with many people, other ts, staff at the place I live, teachers, ETC where there wasn't touch at all or very little touch besides just having me take their arm. And as I said my parents didn't touch/ hug much and I did make up for not bbeing able to see people's faces by getting a lot from their voice. Also I think I should practice more asking people how they're feeling instead of just assuming, as we all can get in the habbit of doing whether we're blind or not!
Dreamy: I think you're right that perhaps I was depending on the touch too much in the place of really learning to soothe myself. I mean as I said this was something that my previous t emphasized teaching me, but there was always the knowledge that the touch would be there too, and this often worked better to help me calm down than my attempts to calm down myself. Because it was just during the time I was with her that I even became really open to my feelings, I'm really just learning how to also calm myself down. So I guess if I were to be honest I'm not that great at it, and maybe was relying on the touch too much in place of really learning the skills and to trust myself rather than automatically thinking that someone else would just give in to my wants or needs.
Ann: I understand how emotionally, if someone got what they wanted in an abusive way when you were younger, asking for what you want yourself and feeling uncomfortable to see their discomfort would make you feel like you were making them be in the position you were in as a child in some way. I'm sorry all this happened to you, and I hope you continue to heal from it.