This is killing me. Literally killing me. I can't take it. I seriously can't take it. I've been in a manic state for almost two weeks now and I feel like I'm dying. It's a slow painful and miserable death and I'm taking everyone down with me. I don't know if I'm crashing or what, but I just feel awful.

This morning I woke with the voice telling me that I should call off of work today. I didn't. Even though I probably should have. Since I work in an office job it's easy enough for me to isolate myself with my headphones and not pay attention to anyone. Which is what I did. But I still couldn't take it. I got severe road road on the way into work this morning and the literal sound of people talking when I GOT to work was really setting me off.

So I decided to tell them I was leaving at noon. Knowing that my husband was home today with our daughter. So I thought maybe I'd just go shopping or something. But I get home (since I had to bring them lunch anyway) and seriously EVERYTHING is setting me off. I'm actively trying to not be angry. I'm actively trying to not blow up and I'm doing it anyway. WHY CAN'T I JUST STOP??

I tried to run away to the bathroom for a minute and my husband follows me with the "what's wrong, why are you angry" like he's freaking hounding me. I just wanted to be alone for a minute. Seriously. I can't take this anymore. I really can't. So I tried to run away to the bedroom and he follows me AGAIN with "just wanted to make sure you're ok".

Really, the logical side of my brain gets it. He's just trying to be helpful. He's just trying his best. And to see the hurt on his face that I myself am causing is literal torture. And I can't stop myself from doing it. Can't it just be over already? I'm so done.