I will see my T for the first time in over a month tommorrow. I lie to manipulate situations so I don't feel like I'm the cause of a problem. I've lied to several people for months on end and it's unforgivable. I drink too much and I crave attention.

I'm posting all this to say, I'm scared about tommorrow. Can I, should I, be completely honest and give all the horrible details that 'I' know exist? Is that the start of healing? Why do I do this too myself? Why do I do this too others? Why is it so hard to say the truth? Why I am I more concerned about anothers thoughts of me than I am for being honest? Why do I always bite off more than I can chew? I feel like I'm playing every position of my own silly baseball game. It needs to end. It needs to stop. I'm not happy with my choices but I continue to make choices I promise myself that I won't make.

Less then zero today, kids, less than zero. Love me, like me, don't come near me!