Well, I don't mind that I have bipolar. Actually, it wsa quite a relief to me to get diagnosed. I had kind of that "Oh, well, that explains it!" type of moment. And I guess I expected other people to have that "Ah ha! Now she makes sense!" moment as well, but they didn't....

I guess what I'm saying is the real reason I'm seeking treatment is because other people expect me to be different than I am. There is a long list of "shoulds" that I try constantly to live up to and then constantly fail at attaining. The constant failure at it makes me more miserable than anything else. I can deal with my own internal issues myself. I've always done so. But... the fact that I "should" be totally organized or I'll lose my job. Well, I can't seem to do it no matter what strategy I try. So, I am a failure. I have no confidance because I'm trying to live up to all of these "shoulds" that other people shove at me.