Nicoleb2--about the shame cycle, I hear you. When I first started self-injuring about 6 years ago, cutting was the only way I felt like I could do away with my feelings of inadequacy. It seemed like everyone else was managing with whatever their problems were; why couldn't I? Then, I'd feel badly about doing it, so I'd do it again to get rid of those feelings. I'd get angry about doing that to myself, so I'd let that out by cutting too. I cried and cried until I felt absolutely numb and just sat around staring at things. Then I'd do it again just to feel something because it was creepy not to feel. I still sometimes catch myself thinking in those cycles because it's such a habit! Have you figured out what your cycle is? Is it even the same everytime or is it different depending on what happened that day?