Ani has been helping me with this.

He has been telling me all week, "Carol, tell yourself you are okay. Over and over and over again. You have to. You have to start somewhere."

Because when I don't feel okay, I can't deal with others and their behavior, seemingly cruel and unfeeling gets to me again.

I have to keep arming myself with self-acceptance, even if I don't think I have it.

I know it hurts.

And the anger this hurt makes can feel pretty intense and hopeless.

I don't like how I act either.

Carol