Most of you might be thinking, how can this guy have so many problems? It's the truth, hence my username..

I'm going to see a therapist on Friday for my major depression. It's either teenage hormones, life problems or sevear clinical depression. My mom also wants me to get myself checked for OCD because she's tired of how strange i've been acting in relation to those symptoms.

I have anxiety and people always laugh at me when I speak (while reading something etc..) as if I'm about to die. Ive had at least 10 panic attacks in my life but I don't tell anyone and no one asks me questions during that time so I'm very lucky on that. One day someone will know and find out.. The only time someone found out was when I was reading in class and I couldn't talk any longer. My teacher pointed it out and gave me a lecture on how "it's ok no one is judging you etc.." I know that.. I try to tough these situations out every time by saying "it's just in my head etc". I would get mad at myself but it just doesn't work. At that time, my teacher told me to stand outside to get a break and I could bearly walk, I was hyperventilating. I was floating above my body etc (you know the symptoms..)

My dad has anxiety as well and he always gets a bad review when giving presentations. This really does affect my ability to learn (along with everything else that I'm trying to deal with).

I was just wondering, if I get prescribed an anti depressant (which I probably will), will it help?? Do I have to ask for something like xanax? Im sure It would be too strong and I would look drunk. I only get anxiety in situations where normal people wouldn't. I had sevear anxiety during my driving test yesterday. I couldn't tell my driving instructor because then she would get anxiety and stop the course. I just told her that I was nervous and she said that it was ok but I felt like I wasn't even driving. It's dangerous to have this while going 120km/h on the highway. Obviously when I get my lisence I won't be violently shacking etc like what happened today while doing a presentation. People can SEE. Thank god I only wrote half a page..

What about something weaker like Valium, etc.. I googled it.

This is a Canadian doctor I'm talking about though. He may just think that the antidepressant is enough. Hopefully it will because no one would want to pay so much because I have "teenage problems" NO ONE ELSE DOES! It's just something about these Canadians that make them so skeptical. (such as wanting to give them to my friends or taking a whole bunch or getting addicted because I'm a "no good teenager..") I mean, hopefully he will realize how mature I am. Most people do. I would never even think of telling anyone about It let alone giving anyone (my stash of drugs because I'm a complete looser now). You know what I mean..

My dad is also very depressed and anxious after my mom left him. He gained so much weight and is trying to lose it but I think that he can't because he might be too depressed. He also went to costa rica or some place and did cocaine. Maybe if I get help and things work out then I could also give him some advice on this.

Also, because I'm suicidal (just a little right now), he might not give me anything in fear of od? I want to tell this person everything but maybe I shouldn't? If you put it this way, an antidepressant would save me from being so depressed as well.. I hate Canadian ways.. They're so judgmental. Everyone just has to be normal.. I just want to be happy and less nervous to get my life straightened out but I really don't see that happening because of this.. I've already screwed up so much already. It's the reason that I've started to research all of this stuff..