Yeah, I'm diagnosed psychotic, bipolar. Went to my first therapy session ever yesterday. I suppose it went well. Im a 21 yr old college guy. No friends. I dont fit in my family. Dont have anyone I like talking to. The T seems nice. We talked a little about my passion for skiing (thats all I ever talk about with anyone) She asked me about cutting and I just told her its my own way of coping and i dont plan to stop. There are a million things I have shoved down inside me that are making me suicidal. Im up to three attempts in the last year. I think about it a lot. Im really afraid to trust the T with these things. I guess its because of a bad experience with trust Ive had in the past. I was catholic (guess i kinda still am) and I went to confession to admit to doing something pretty bad. I thought the priest would keep things confidential, but after I talked to him, he gave me dirty looks and never acted the same way to me. Im scared if I mention these things to the T then she will become the same way. Ive been in the psych ward for two weeks total this year. I lied to the social workers there about everything. I feel stuck. If i dont tell her, I think i'll end up dead in the next year. But if I do tell her and she acts differently, I'll probably try and kill myself still. She already told me very clearly that I cant commit suicide and it kinda scared me when she said it. I dont know what to say. What is she going to say? Im being forced into this and I dont think im going to like it.