Quote:
Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006
Very true. Although I find nothing about it "funny", I'm just being literal here but it's depressing even more to know this.. I don't know if it's impossible to live with us, but it sure is pretty darned close at best. Thankfully reflecting on my ex and her claims that it was about me, and now looking at her behaviors and her true colors, I have this to feel good about - It wasn't all me. Yeah I contributed to her wanting to leave, I know I was difficult at times but I know now, she did her share. Truth is, part of our problem though, is that we take 100% of the blame for broken relationships and it's never all us. Remember that. I'm sure you push people away but, remember the others, your real friends, and significant others, the ones worth keeping, will want to know and understand you. Yes they are rare, but they are out there. Maybe they'll be BPD too but in the end they'll always stick around.
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I've asked both of my two friends (I have other friends but these are the two who
know me, who know about the BPD and who I let closer than arms' length) why, after all of my s---, they even bother to stick around. My best friend says it's because she can see
me through the disorder. That's
huge to me and means a lot. The other friend just shrugs; he's a guy and doesn't do "feels" too well (even in his own life he tries to avoid too many "feelings"). The main thing is that he keeps telling me things which sound like, "I want to be your friend; how do we make it so that both of us can manage this friendship?" and that also means a lot to me. They've both proven to be very solid and I need that. What pisses me off is me. Why can't I see how valuable they are and stop pushing and testing and projecting anger at them that they don't deserve? It's beyond frustrating. I hate my stupid brain.