Medical people frustrate me so much when they fail to communicate clearly--and they, more than most professionals, are in a position to do so much harm.
I'm so, so sorry, (((((LoneWolfie))))), for what you've been through.
I don't believe you can't be helped, but this particular pdoc may lack skills to help people. Whatever it takes, I hope you can overlook her failing you & get yourself back into treatment that will help.
If you can get a different pdoc, even better.
I had to face some pretty intense, raw feelings a few months back--stuff I've avoided since childhood--& boy! I didn't ever want to, but it's done & I've moved on. You might have to claw your way through some junk. I was a drunk for 20 yrs but eventually had to deal. It's junk, it's not you. Remember that.
I'm always here, I'll listen to whatever, you've got us with you, supporting you.
roadie