Dear RC (the name for caseworker at the mental health center)
I don't think I want to or can tell you tomorrow at our meeting about the long-lasting effects of our conversation Friday. How you reacted and what you said about focusing more on getting coping skills rather than supportive touch has changed, at least intelectually, my perspective on touch in therapy. Over the past few days I've started to see your point, and how really focusing on learning to calm myself down and not relying on the therapist for comfort could be h helpful.
My emotions have yet to catch up to these insights. I feel like crying all the time thinking about the loss of something that was such a part of my therapy for over a year.
What did really hurt my feelings was when you talked about how I need to learn how to express my feelings but in a way that wasn't at the intensity that I was at at the time of our conversation, crying hard and not being able to stop. This hurt me because it reminded me of my parents saying I'm too intense/ my feelings aren't ok being expressed how I express them. Also, I'm not sure I agree with you. The last t I saw being an expressive arts therapist emphasized making all sorts of sounds, crying fully, yelling, stomping around ETC to help with expression of feelings. Intensity wasn't a problem for her. She actually felt it was a good thing to really help get the emotions out of just being held in my body. So I don't know. Your comment just hurt. I'm gonna talk about some of this though in emotions group tomorrow, and I'm glad it's being lead by two interns and not staff.
Hopefully we can have a nice normal unemotional meeting tomorrow.