My boyfriend loves me. I know so, he tells me all the time. He does nice things for me, I can tell he loves me. However, there's always that feeling of comparing myself to his friends that are girls, feeling like I am a last resort and like I am horrible and disgusting.

I go by each day having constant realizations that I am alive in that moment, it's a frightening feeling, and I don't know when it started. Being alive doesn't feel real. I always feel like I don't look like a real person, have intense body issues, and feel incapable of interacting with others.

I saw a picture of him kissing another girl from 2 years ago. I flipped out and sent him a frightening amount of hateful text messages. I felt completely out of control. He told me if I didn't get help for my emotional issues he would not stick around.

I was diagnosed with BPD 2 years ago, but have not received any treatment at all. (can't afford it.)

I just hope people with similar issues can talk to me and share their experiences and offer support.

Thank you!
Maria