Thanks big time for your kind post, Open Eyes. For your sake I'm relieved to hear that you have not gone through any suicide loss. For the record I am not suicidal myself, other than for those fleeting moments (I'm guessing many of us likely have) when the darkest thoughts come.

I'm a survivor if nothing else. When deeply depressed, hanging on has been tiresome, but I know I'm not at all alone, it's a basic struggle to stay alive.

You bet it is amazing to have a good counselor after decades. With today's train wreck I know for certain the festering wounds must be dealt with. But it is not as if I have kept things bottled up (like many men do)... always felt I've been a "heart on his sleeve" type. Not whimper whiny pity pot, but matter of fact. More like "this is my story, and dammit I'm still here"... if barely!

Been fooling myself and didn't know that. Or have done it so long I forgot I was in hiding. Whew. :::::: Was a good day, but a rough one. And now I will need to be even tougher than ever, as I just got notice I'm being sued for some ancient debt! F**k.

RE other PTSD forums, I googled and found ptsdforum.org, but when I tried to register, the site gave me an error saying I need java enabled (it already is). Tried again, nada. Left there thinking it must not be the right place. So I'll keep looking and still wondering per my last post, if anyone knows of another, possibly more popular PTSD forum?

{{{{hugs}}}} back at ya and thanks again. Alex.