It's great that you have some grasp of what's going on. ajmich's advice is good ... I really hope you will take what understanding you have and get professional help in developing your understanding and coping skills. Perhaps adding medication if you and pdoc feel that is a good choice for you.
I'm so glad you're here on PsychCentral. Welcome, and feel free to visit the Forums and post wherever you feel a connection.
roadie