(((((((((Always))))))))))

It's getting better. Hugs appreciated. And I'm sorry to everyone for not being more communicative. Yesterday and a few days previous were really bad, and I was very much caught up in destructive patterns. I wanted somebody to notice how bad I was feeling, and make me feel better, but I wanted to argue against anyone who tried (or just not talk about it), and fight for my right to feel bad. When I started to open my eyes and look around me (and, I just realized, the weather cleared up), I started seeing that I don't have anything to complain about that remotely compares to what a lot of people here are dealing with.

A bunch of things all hit at the same time. Icky, cloudy, rainy weather (T won't let me blame the weather, but it makes a huge difference); cramps (I don't tend to PMS, but I'm miserable and in pain for a day or two when it starts); feeling rejected by T for several weeks in a row just getting worse and worse and never getting anything right; not getting an appointment with T when I am desperate for it; giving away all of my sheep and most of my goats; DH saying the wrong thing at the wrong time; trying to find a good home for the 3 goats and 1 llama I kept because I couldn't bear to give them up, but it seems clear that I don't deserve them and DH is going to continue complaining about them even if he has apologized for it; kids trashing the house and refusing to clean up after themselves; the stress of trying to sell my house and move; not having enough time for everything I need to do (and a couple of tasks I've been avoiding and feeling intimidated by); not having time to sleep; not eating right; the end of a class I really enjoyed and possibility of losing contact with my classmates when I move; feeling like a lame duck at work since I'm leaving; being in limbo.

I could go on and on, but it's an accumulation of a whole bunch of stuff and even listing it is probably just a big whine. I'm not supposed to whine. I got totally overwhelmed, blew things out of proportion, overreacted big-time, and made myself miserable over it.