Hey blue,

I completely understand what you're saying and what you're going through. This was me. 'Sorry' became meaningless and my fear of abandonment and rejection was self-perpetuating. My actions to deter those from abandoning me, caused them to do just thus. My outbursts didn't bring people closer to me, they pushed them away...

I like what s4nd had to say about living outside of self during these times...Look without and abandon the ego. My personal mentor always tells me that my feelings are none of my business, and you know what, she's right. If I separate myself from my illness and can discern between what is realistic and what is my illness talking, I am one step ahead. If I stop thinking I'm in charge of my feelings I can gain a passive stance on them and become more tolerant of them.

This is where DBT Mindfulness comes in...Imagine we are at the ocean and we're in our bare feet standing near the tide line and the waves are coming in...every time the water gets near us we back up (out of fear). The waves are our emotions and we're over-involved with them watching how close they will get to us. Mindfulness suggests that we DONT backup...we LET GO, we get our feet wet, we stop watching how close the water gets to our feet and we focus on the horizon, the sunset, we feel the cold of the water on our legs, we let the feelings buoy and move us. It is the fear of our emotions that helps to make them so intense. "what we resists persists"

I learned in DBT that it is not the primary emotion which is damaging (mostly) it is the secondary. By secondary I mean how we react to a feeling. For instance if I am anxious and fearful I may react with ANGER, the anger is the secondary emotion and far more damaging than naming my fears and riding the wave.

Mindfulness points out that we do not have to resist feeling. DBT also gives us strategies to use when we get an overwhelming feeling and don't know how to deal. These strategies help us when we feel that primary emotion, the strategies allow us to be proactive instead of reactive. (Sorry if that sounds hokey lol). Here is what I do, as I can only share my own experiences.

FIRST thing to do: ALWAYS LEAVE. Say 'let's talk about this later when I can think better.' 'Hey I need to think about this a bit, so let's make a time to talk about this.'

Distract: The MOMENT you feel something overwhelming that could turn to anger, remorse, resentment etc. you do something. Doesn't have to me special or particularly productive either...just distracting. Watch a movie, clean your house, walk your dog, make bead bracelets, take a hot bath. DBT suggests we use the acronym ACCEPTS, read about it here:
ACCEPTS

Relax: DBT then suggests we do something to relax and to soothe ourselves. A lot of what we do is because we do not know how to do a few things: self-validate and self-soothe. (It's not our fault, we had glitches in development). But these new skills will help to teach us at least how to soothe and comfort ourselves during emotional turmoil. Read about it all here:
Self-Sooth

I write lists for healthy distractions and self-soothing, pull out the lists when things get overwhelming, it has been effective in deterring clashes with others. People in my close personal life feel I am becoming healthier as I learn stress skills that "healthy, normal" people have.

I also view every emotion as an opportunity to practice my skills...It sounds rough, but there's no way around it. We have emotions and we have to learn to live with them. If I feel SO overwhelmed that distracting doesn't seem possible I will work simply on lowering my physiological stress (self-soothing techniques work wonders for this)...For instance, I will drink some chamomille tea, get in a hot bath, hug my pillow, do deep breathing, light a candle, pray/meditate...ALWAYS remember that this too shall pass. Recovery is possible