I would work on your past abuse and come to terms with anything that has happened before you engange in something that could give you reminders of what happened. Being tied up and out of control is a very scary feeling. It is only made better by a partner you can trust not to hurt you. Getting with someone who doesn't care if he hurts you (physically or psychologically) will bring bad things. BDSM is about the pain you like and not about being hurt for someone's pleasure imo.