"nothing" and "not sure"/"I don't know what I want" are two different things to me.

When I want nothing, it is usually due to empty feelings with in, less or no hopefulness, disrepair.... more depression signs I suppose?

When I feel "not sure/I don't know" that I am not sure what exactly but I have that issue a lot. For me I think it does stem back to my childhood, I was always in some form "told" what to do, "controlled by another" (parent) in away, and it was evident my decisions whatever they were, were in some form "wrong" by them if it was not 'their idea'. I had this with years with my brother as well when i got older which effected me i know....

Also, Some times I wonder if it is more of "not knowing myself that well", I am not sure "who i am" sort of thing, or "who i want to be" so then I am not "sure what i want"..... if that makes any sense...... course I can always ask, i have never known really who i was, and trying to figure out who i am now....

I think figuring out more about selves helps with this.... for instants, I know I like cats around, they have always been good friends for me... so even though I had trouble after Beau ran away.... I still took another chance with my heart with Mr.Boots.. and ya know- i don't think that is a decision that I will regret.

And also having things, that are less triggering around- like Open Eyes, you having to deal with the lawsuit, being reminded all the time of your lose with your ponies, damage in your business, the hurt in your heart and daughter's with your animals , I agree with your T and you-- I hope this passes as quickly as it can as you have been fighting the battle of just that for years.

Alishia one thing that I have to remind myself is that the person that i used to be at one point (for me it is usually, at 17 i was much different with confidence that was more 'natural'....)... that 17 beauflow will never be obtained again... I do have to move forth, I guess some what accept that 17 year old was torn apart at one time by someone emotionally that scared me... and to believe that there is a newer beauflow today, that has other strengths, and a 'new type of confidence' and continues to grow..

not sure if any of that helps...

I have noticed that art is an off and on thing, i do note it is not the same as when I was 17 but it is better than a lot of things today than other things... I also throw into the mix new things to try, like bead making...

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I hope everyone finds what they need to get that spark within again