Dear VinAlex.......
This is just my opinion.......I have a brain injury and physical injuries......I have had a lot of therapy and these are my understandings of what was expressed to me......

I am married to a man that has a difficult time controlling his temper, (he suffered through and abusive childhood) and at points in our marriage it was escalating to physical abuse towards me.......I had therapy about that, too.....

A question to ask your Self when reflecting upon the abuse.....One of my therapists asked me to question my husbands actions from the framing point of.....Was my husband just a horrible man.....he used a different word.....or was he someone going through something he did not know how to cope with.......

It was the latter for me....which made working towards solutions, a goal.......

The other thing that more addresses your question....about anger.....my understanding came to be.....that anger is not a true stand alone emotion......it always comes into play as a mask for an underlying problem......fear, hurt, humiliation.....ect.......we hide from those emotions by dressing them up in anger....because we can use anger to hide from the real issues......

It is easier to get angry than to look at ourselves......the questions we need to ask about our own Selves......why do we permit someone to beat us.....why, by our staying do we continue to affirm behavior, that is so destructive to our physical being, and our very Souls.......

A good therapist will help you uncover and find answers to questions, that you might not, have even thought to ask.....

My opinion is, there are no circumstances when it is okay to be abused.....none....

Do you hide this behavior that is directed towards you....if you do, ask your Self why is that...?.....

I learned that my responses actually encouraged the abuse.....if you don't stand up to bullies they will continue to bully you.....

you do realize that doing nothing to stop escalating abuse could end in serious injury, or death....this does not take into consideration what is happening to the essence of your very Self..........

It really makes my heart hurt for you.....reading your words....one of the down falls of being in an abusive relationship is that after awhile you are conditioned to think it is okay....and just become submissive and accepting......

No wonder you feel anger......it is wrong what is happening...is your anger directed at the partner, or is part of it, anger over your own responses..........

I would add my plea that you find and spend, as much time as possible discussing your situation with a good therapist.......

Blessings to you.....
Hummer