I am learning how to deal with difficult people in a much healthier (for me) way. Especially in the workplace. We spend more time with our colleagues (in many instances) than we do with our own families and friends. Politics, jockeying for position galore, etc goes on in the little microcosm that is work!
I realized that I kept attracting the same exact people in different workplaces and having the same struggles. I kept getting stuck. and totally frustrated and fed up.
So I have been working super hard on PC and with T to:
1. realize the people that bug me the most are probably the same people whose behavior is what is really bugging me and I don't have tools.
2. Turn the negative messages that have been implanted in my brain (thanks N mother) with more positive, caring ones.
3. Keep working on that one nagging, annoying implant (thanks Mom) that hurts me the most (me hurting me) that tells me I am less-than. Less than everyone else. And have no voice. And I don't matter. And I am ugly. And I have to be perfect. And inhuman and never make a mistake. Ever. Or I am doomed. And everyone is allowed to take advantage and walk all over me.
4. Remember most people are just being who they grew up to be and it worked for them. It isn't really personal, per se. Some people are simply just total a**es. And I am not changed in my core (my authentic self) just because of who they are and how I have to associate with them.
It's SUCH hard work, and I fall down a lot, but I am trying really hard. And for me, that counts for a lot. So I make a mistake or say something out of line. I am at a point now where I don't feel ashamed or embarrassed...I am at the point now (trust me I have had a lot of practice) to where I just think and say sincerely, "I am sorry. I wish I hadn't said/done that. I will do better next time".
All that said, I have been practicing at work....so for me, it depends on the person and the situation:
For instance, there is one person that I know has a great character and is totally kind. She was having a bad day and was rude or something. I just walked away. She apologized. I told her to not worry about it and that I knew the great person that she was. I knew she was awesome and having a bad day. Things blew over in a breeze.
There is another person that is a prima donna. He really annoys me to no end. He has got his boundaries down to a "t". He doesn't lift a finger for anyone but himself. Period. He is lazy and rude. But he doesn't know it. He thinks he is fabulous. So, I just speak to him as little as possible, when I do, I am strictly business, and then I get away from him. (I tried the nice-nice thing...)I do the monotone thing too.
Then, we have the total entitled beeotch (sorry people). She is super hyper and spazzy and rude and doesn't realize it at all. Strike that, she realizes it and doesn't care one bit. She treats everyone like they are her personal doormat unless she wants something from and then she is very sweet. She has said completely inappropriate things, has tried to throw me under the bus and is very bossy. I finally had it. One day she got all over me (snap snap, hurry up do it yesterday) and I replied to her "please don't speak to me like that" in a very nice tone.
She contunied on by saying she didn't appreciate my tone and my attitude. I told her that I was speaking back to her in the same exact tone she used with me. Then she started whining and complaining about what had happened to her the week before that brought her to her pissy point.
There is someone else here that is a total brown-nosing kiss ***** of one of the owners. He is the main guy and in the New York office. Personally I believe he "planted" her here as a spy. Because obviously he cannot be in LA and NY at the same time. They are besties. She is the most ridiculous person I have met in a long time. She is this teeny little thing that has prior success. She is very petit and wears super high platforms. She has an Anna Wintour black bob
This person is a total know it all. And she has to have the last word. And is the authority on anything and everything. She was here but for two weeks, before she jabbed at me.
Now considering whom she is related to and that I feel certain she is a spy, I am super nice to her and very gracious. I got tired of the having to have the last word thing and the know it all thing (she even knows MORE about my brother than I do. Oh ok. You have worked with him for 5 minutes and I've known the dude for 40 years. K.
) I just listen to her, let her have her way, smile at her while thinking "you are the NICEST most interesting person with a lot of past success". From what I understand, facial expression gives away your thoughts in most cases, so I am forcing myself to think a positive message so she doesn't bug me (positive messaging), but I am quite certain that my face, smile, is showing her that I think she is full of it and has no clue what she is talking about.
What is she going to do, tell me she doesn't like my face?! or tell her bestie in New York that she doesn't like my face.
The bottom line is that I think it gets down to just being and respecting your authentic self and protecting yourself at the same time. Especially at work.