Hi Stern ~ Are you in therapy? Have you BEEN in therapy? In not, I'd strongly suggest that you ask your doctor to refer you to a good therapist -- it sounds like you're struggling with depression, and need a therapist badly.

If you can't afford a therapist, at LEAST call your doctor -- he can put you on an antidepressant temporarily until you CAN afford a therapist. The antidepressant will help you stabilize your depression so you don't have these terrible lows -- it will keep you on an even keel, and you'll feel more "normal." Can you do that? It's really IMPORTANT that you call him. You just can't go on like this. Please call your doctor, okay?

I'm concerned about you, so let us know what happens, will you? God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee