Ever been alone, liked being alone, but just not wanting to be alone.

I don't know what in the world is wrong w/ me. I want to just lay my head down and cry. I want to rest my head on someone's chest and sigh. I want to be held and told it is ok and believe it will be ok. I want to have the peace and saftey at my fingertips. I want love, not sexual love, just love. A friend, a male to protect me and hold me. I can't begin to explain how badly I just want to be safe. Safe from the world, safe from issues, safe from me. I am lonely, I am tired, I am unheard, no one cares, I want to be left alone, but I want to connect. I don't want to be around people, I don't want to go to the noisy mall, I don't want to hang out w/ a small group. I just want to set alone and cry. I am so tired of being alone though. I know I can't have it both ways. I don't know what I want and even if I did I don't know where I would go to find a friend that cares or a corner alone.

I am sorry I know this makes no since. It makes no since to me and I don't expect it to make since to you either. I just want the world to stop and let me off, just to lay my head down and cry, to have some one who cares and to stop struggling every day.

I don't know what kind of answer I am looking for, I don't know what I want, I don't know anything anymore. I just know I don't like this.