I wonder... Does the truth really matter in some cases? I mean, okay, my dad apparently had a hard time with fiction and reality. He told so many lies about so many things that I don't know anymore what was real or not real that he told us growing up.

The lies he told that justified his abusive behvior I have come to terms with. The deal now is more about the things he told us about his own life and his own past.He isn't alive anymore and I can't confront him about the things he told us but my mom is telling me entirely different stories that she says he told us.

She says what I recall him saying never happened.. that he couldn't have told me those things.. yet I know he did.. I am not making it all up.See, my counselor thinks if I can learn about my dad's past and how he grew up I might be able to understand him better. Not to excuse his behavior but simply to know why he did what he did.

I can't very well do that if i can't find the truth can I? Does it really matter? Do I need to know the truth about where I came from? Where he came from?I have suspicions that he may have been institutionalized more than I was told. Do I need to know that kind of thing and why he was there? What if he had something genetic that I never knew about that I could be dealing with?

I don't know. My counselor thinks I should get in touch with some of his immediate family and see what I can learn about his past history and part of me wants to do that but yet part of me isn't so sure about it. I have not been in touch with any of them in many many years.They stopped coming around our family when I was quite young and mom says it was because of an unpaid phone bill but I suspect it was way more than that.

I don't know what to do. or if i should do anything. It frustrates the daylights out of me though.. being lied to so much that nothing makes any sense... my whole life was basically a lie.

What do you guys think? I am open for comments and suggestions here, and thanks ahead of time Faith