"They are not going to do therapy with you via writing" - can I just pick up on this statement and say it's not necessarily true. I found it so hard to talk at the beginning that I wrote things down instead. I've had sessions where my T has spent half the time reading something I've written (I tend to find some peace and space while he reads so I don't mind the silence). I'm starting to write less and talk more, but that's been my decision.

Here's what I think, OP, and I will preface this by saying I don't know much about BPD so am speaking kind of generally: you need to find a therapist who will work with YOU. Whoever that is. However you present. I am shocked that a T would tell you that you don't present well - for crying out loud, if they have issues with the way you communicate with others, it's their job to supportively and delicately help you change that, not tear you to pieces.

I don't believe in presenting "well". At therapy, you should just present yourself. If that person needs to cry, that person should cry. I think she was absolutely out of order. I was also shocked by the post above about being asked to take a break in the hallway.

I don't know what therapy is good for BPD so can't advise but I do think maybe it's less about the therapist having specific expertise in that area and more about their general attitude to the whole thing? My T told me "short of bringing a gun in here and pointing it at me, it would be very difficult for you to f--k this up". I think you need to find someone with that kind of attitude. But that is just my opinion, and I am not very confident in it really!