Hello, I am new to these forums and I am hoping for some advice on two issues. Let me give you some background first, I am living with my boyfriend of one year but we were friends in high school, always wanted to get together but the time was never right. Anyways, we're together now and live together. My BF is a recovering alcoholic/addict and is working the 12 Steps with AA. Ever since he started working through them, his sex drive has diminished. We once had a healthy sex life, passionate, fun, now he barely comes near me. Sex is twice a month, quick, no foreplay. He seems to be quite content with this even though my self-esteem is beginning to fail, I feel undesirable and unwanted. He says it's him, not me, he loves me, attacted to me, blah, blah, blah but doesn't do anything to change. We have sought counselling about this but he refuses to go back. I think he has a fear of intimacy because he has relapsed in the past due to an ex who hurt him very badly. It's starting to really upset me that he doesn't seem to give a **** about my feelings.
Second issue, he has an ex who he says he is still friends with. They dated back in the nineties, tried to rekindle three years ago but decided to just be friends. She continues to text him, message through Facebook, call him by her pet name. She was texting him all last night and I'm not sure if he responds because he deletes all his sent messages. The woman is engaged to another man. How do I deal with this?
Sorry for the lengthy post but I feel like I am going crazy.