The reason I say "Don't tell me the same old thing" is because it doesn't answer my questions. People think it does, so when I ask, "Why do I feel like torturing this Thing of a male?" their response is always the same: "Get out!" That tells me nothing but that they are not listening. Would my telling you "Get a new pen" tell you why the one you have won't write on wet paper? It seems to me that no one listens but to what they want to hear. They want to hear, "This idiot keeps pushing its size and weight around," and not , "What the hell is going on inside me?"

The question as to why I don't just get the hell out has been answered already and I have never had a hard time underestanding my lack of action: I'm scared to the point my blood has run dry that 'it' is going to do something horrid to me. I also have no place to go due to the fact that I have no friends, no money and no expirience with people. It promises to help shoud I decide to leave, but I have no reason to trust anything it says.
I do cover it up. I came from an abusive home where I even covered up my father's actions for fear (mostly) that someone would think less of him (now, I hope they do). Now I am in this same damned situation with the very man who faught my father off for this very behaviour who is exhibiting the exact carbon copy of his actions, and every time someone asks about the mark on my forehead or the bruise on my arm or face, though I'm holding his balls in my hand, I can't squeeze and I just cover it up for the same reason.

I have always wanted to show a lack of fear to the bullies I would face in my life, but I would never expect that my hope of a lack of fear would turn to a waiting rage.

No, I am not seeing a therapist because I have no money.