The whole cycle and act of purging is so wretched. I tell myself nope, that's it. No more. And 10 minutes later the cycle repeats itself. Straighten myself up. Over. Repeat.

And the crazy part? I'll forget about this feeling of wretchedness. I'll think that maybe I'm alright and it's not such a big deal. I'll carry on with my day and forget that I was curled up on my bathroom floor just an hour earlier. I forget that I've been doing this for over 20 years.

My throat burns. My mouth burns. My knuckles are calloused. My skin is dry. My eyes are puffy. There is blood in my vomit and my teeth hurt. But I clean up well. As long as the scale cooperates, I won't have to do that again.