for Vinalex..

I promise I won't tell you to leave..perhaps I can help you look deep inside and understand..perhaps your pen, on wet paper, just needs to be put on some dry paper!! I notice you call your perpetrator '....it..' that, again shows inner lack of action to your fears...it's kind of a fear of your very own fears..a recoiling in times of trouble...a way of hurting "it.." without actually hurting IT. You wrote a little about your father- I believe this plays a big part in your present day choices. If you had the money for a therapist, you would address these issues of what your father did to your inner psyche. What about a battered persons shelter they make it safe from anyone from their perpetrator or what about a support group like depression bipolar support alliance dbsalliance.org Not to say you must leave...I believe the first step is, yes, understanding this scared to the point your blood runs dry...this FEELING....THEN once you understand how you feel about the situation...THEN re-assess how to handle those feelings..