I thought my gaming group was meeting on Saturday, but it's a long weekend in Canada, so that's toast.

So now I feel even worse. If that's even possible.

I was going to withdraw from everyone, but I made the mistake of going to church, to thank a certain someone for certain favours. A series of events took place there. As a result, I'm "talking" again.

Feeling awful But "talking" again. (Doug must be dancing around his living room tonight.) (I cried alone in a church bathroom over my mother and her letter to me for a few minutes. For me, a record.)

I'm going to be engaging in a new exercise. I don't have a name for it yet. In it, I will be describing what I'm doing. Those actions will be uninhibited by any form of disability, emotional or physical.

IT MERELY DESCRIBES MY STATE OF MIND AT THE MOMENT AND NOT WHAT I'M ACTUALLY DOING. I'm reduced to this, because I'm locked in, physically and emotionally.

Feel free to 'interact'

Here goes:

I'm sitting on the floor of my apartment, with my back to the wall. My legs are bent. My feet are on the floor. My arms are clasped around my knees, fingers locked. I'm gently rocking, backwards and forward, forward and backward.

I'm crying. I've been crying for hours and probably will be up all night crying.

There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.