Whenever things are hard for me, I think about sui. I'm a coward; I've never attempted and I probably never will. But I think about it a lot.

Tonight, I think that I should kill myself because:

-My friends don't really care
-I'm pathetic, lazy, and never will change
-I keep thinking about it but never act; if I was really a sincere person, I'd act on my thoughts

None of that makes any sense, does it? Why am I like this? Instead of thinking about how to fix the problems in my life, I automatically think about sui.

Tonight has not been very good for me, and I don't even know why. My thoughts just sort of turned really dark, and I don't feel like they make much sense.